My Big Loss
by Arch-trainer
Summary: A trainer is forced through the five stages of grief as he watches his beloved starter go through its death. Oneshot


He hadn't really noticed anything was wrong with her until that practice battle

He hadn't really noticed anything was wrong with her until that practice battle. He had been battling normally as had she, when he noticed that she had less stamina than usual. He ended the match early and just figured she needed to be getting more rest. A few weeks later, he realized she had not been eating as much as usual. And what little she was eating was getting thrown up a lot. He made a note to see Nurse Joy the second they got to another Pokemon Center. When they did, he had the good nurse check her out.

"We'll run some tests to see what's going on. It might just be a little bug." Joy said.

A few hours later she came out of the exam room. "Well, I've ran every test I have and I think I know what is wrong. It seems that she is having some problems with her pancreas. It just isn't functioning like it should. The way to treat this is with some special food and to give her this medicine after she eats." Nurse Joy explained handing him a tube filled with liquid and an eye-dropper to administer it.

He felt much better knowing what the problem was and how to fix it, and was looking forward to her life improving as a result. He stopped at the next Pokemart and purchased the special food. It was more expensive than the normal food, but she was worth it. She had been his very first pokemon. She and him had been together for over five years and were inseparable. She meant the world to him, and he was the only person she felt deserved to be her trainer.

Over the next few weeks, he saw a dramatic improvement. She was eating and keeping the food down. She had her energy back. All was well. After a few months though, he noticed problems starting to surface again. Her energy was still fine, but she was throwing up her food again. He tried a different brand of the special food. Nothing. He knew he had to see a Nurse Joy again. He brought her in and Nurse Joy again ran tests. She came to him looking grim.

"It appears to be problems with the pancreas- worse than before. I highly recommend you see a specialist to help with this." she said.

He was very worried, but had hope that the specialist would be able to figure out the problem and offer him a solution. He had to travel by bus a far distance to get to the man, but it was worth it. She meant the world to him. The specialist greeted him as the trainer entered and told him what tests he would run and what he was looking for. It all sounded good to him so he gave his approval.

Hours passed and finally the specialist emerged. He asked the trainer to come into his office so they could talk.

"She indeed has grave problems with her pancreas. It's cancer. I would give her about a week to live. I recommend you talk to Nurse Joy about putting her to sleep, to ease the pain. I'm so sorry." he said in a down voice.

He felt as if a bolt of lightning had hit him. He began to have tunnel vision. The world had just ended. _This wasn't happening, was it?_ He thanked the specialist and carried her out of his office. She seemed fine. How could death be sneaking up on her so quickly? He decided that the specialist had to be wrong. There was no way she could be dead in a week. He walked to the nearby Pokemon Center in a daze and stayed there for the night. He took a bus to his hometown the next day. His mom would know how to fix this, and if not her, than the professor would. He just knew it.

He got home and explained to his mom the whole story. She looked like she was about to cry.

"I'm sorry honey. There is nothing I can do. Why don't you ask the professor?"

He marched down to the lab. He greeted the professor and explained the problem again.

"Oh my. I'm sorry son, but I know that specialist. I had the same thing happen to one of the pokemon here. He knows what he's talking about. You should talk to Nurse Joy."

He couldn't understand it. Did no one have any hope for her? Why was everyone so willing to condemn her to an early, undeserved death? He would have none of it. He went home and played with her. She was fine. He would prove to them that she was a fighter, that she would never be brought down by a measly pancreas.

The next couple of days went by and nothing seemed wrong. He was right and they were wrong. The fourth day back at home, he woke up and looked over at her. She was lying in her little bed. She was panting hard. _This can't be happening_. He gave her the medicine to try and put her at ease. It wasn't working. His heart was racing. He stayed with her until she fell asleep. Then he went outside. He fell to his knees and started to scream every insult he knew at every one of the legendary pokemon. He stood up and started to punch the tree in the backyard.

"What have I done to do deserve this? Why do you hate me?" he screamed.

His mom dashed out of the house and stopped him from hurting himself further and pulled him into a hug. He started to cry. He cried in her arms for what seemed like hours, as she did her best to comfort him. When he started to calm down, she brought him inside and sat him down. While she cleaned and bandaged his bloodied hands, she talked to him.

"Dear, you need to think about what's best for her. She's in pain. Talk to Nurse Joy and let her escape this suffering. Don't put her through this any longer!"

He heard this and could do nothing but agree, as much as it pained him. He slowly made his way to the Pokemon Center and asked Nurse Joy if he could talk to her. He tried to explain to her the situation, but broke down crying again. She gave him a hug and helped to soothe him.

"I know this is hard, but you are doing the right thing. It takes a strong trainer to be able to do this for his pokemon. We can do it tomorrow."

He walked towards home with his head down. He stopped at the lake near his home and went to the shore. As he stared at the water, all the good times came back to him. So many battles and friends, so many nights camping under the stars, so much blood, sweat, and tears in their attempts to make it to the top. He sat there for a good hour, then suddenly got on his knees and prayed to the gods.

_Please, make her better. I'll do anything. I'll give up trying to become a Pokemon Master. I'll be nicer to everyone I meet. I'll never break a rule again. Just please make her better._

When he got home, he immediately went to see her. She was still in her bed, now whimpering softly in pain. His heart wrenched as he saw this. He gently picked her up and brought her outside so they could share one last sunset together. He gently patted her head as she snuggled into his arms and fell asleep. Tears silently rolled down his cheeks as he thought about what would happen tomorrow.

He went back inside and laid her down on his bed. He stayed up all night with her, just watching her, imprinting every detail in his head about her. Morning came too quickly. His mom entered his room and told him it was time. He again gently picked her up and carried her downstairs. His mom, the professor, and his three best friends were there waiting for him. They told him that they would never make him go through this alone- they would be there for him.

They silently walked to the Pokemon Center. He couldn't believe how calm she was, seeing how death was almost upon her. As they walked into the center, Nurse Joy was there waiting. She walked over to him and told them to follow. They all walked to the exam room. He laid her down on the table. Nurse Joy told him about what was going to happen, and assured him it would be painless. She told him now was the time to say goodbye. He bent down to her ears and whispered into them

"Thank you so much. You were the best partner I could ever have. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'm so glad I did. I remember the first day of my journey when I got you. And every second since then has been so great. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You've been more than just a pokemon, you've been my best friend." he paused for a second to hold back his tears. "And I don't have much else to say except I'm going to miss you so much."

He hugged her tightly, then leaned back up again and pattered her on the head. She gave his hand a lick and then lay back down as if she knew what was coming and was ready. Nurse Joy administered the first syringe, then the second. Her heartbeat began to slow, her breathing diminishing, until…nothing.

He cried as Nurse Joy pronounced her dead. His friends, mom, and the professor all sat with him, tears in their eyes as they did their best to comfort him. They sat there for a few minutes letting his tears flow and doing what they could to make him feel even a tiny bit better. After a while they made their way back to his house, where his mom had prepared his favorite dinner. They toasted to her memory. He ate and shared with them his favorite memories with her. It made him feel slightly better. That night as he lay in bed, everything hit him again. He cried himself to sleep that night.

The next day the group went back to the Pokemon Center where Nurse Joy had put her body in a little box. He carried her to the pokemon graveyard where they put her into a fresh hole and buried her. They said their final goodbyes and stood back to let him say his. He kneeled down at the grave and cried again.

_I miss you so much and it's only been one day. I don't know if this will ever heal. I only hope that wherever you are, you are pain free and happy._

He never did get over her loss. The professor offered another starter of her type to him and he declined. No pokemon could ever live up to what she had been to him. Over the weeks and months, things got better. He began to accept his new life as a trainer without her by his side. Nothing was able to take her place, but he was able to adapt to a new life with different people and pokemon he could rely on. But he made sure to visit her grave every year on the day of her death, no matter where in the world he was. He had moved on, but would never forget his best friend, ever.

**A/N- I recently went through the first anniversary of my first dog dying of the same things the pokemon here did. It was painful to write, but therapeutic. I purposely did not include names or reference a region, since this is a universal experience felt by many. Review and tell me what you think.**


End file.
